WHY IT IS HARD FOR MEN TO OPEN UP ABOUT ISSUES by Nancy Ray

WHY IT IS HARD FOR MEN TO OPEN UP ABOUT ISSUES

Men according to societal norms are expected to be brave, courageous, in-charge, they are born as leaders and such clichés. The African man for example was made to believe crying or showing emotion is a sign of weakness. During initiation, the boy child in some cultures was supposed to face the knife without flinching to show that he has successfully transitioned from boyhood to manhood successfully.

 If a man is seen crying or going through an emotional meltdown, he is judged harshly. It is even worse for men in a specific profession showing their emotional side. For example, if let’s say a policeman/military man was seen crying it would make headlines of the daily press or even televised news.

Why are we so harsh on men who show emotions? Have we been conditioned to believe that men have no feelings to show? Are men also conditioned to bottle up issues as a sign of “man up attitude” Figures show that men are much less likely to access psychological therapies than women, with one study showing that males in England make up only 36% of referrals?

Research shows that men are also less likely to disclose their mental health issues to family members or friends and are more likely to use potentially harmful coping methods, such as alcohol or drugs in response to distress.

There is research to suggest that men will seek and access help when they feel that the support being offered meets their needs and is easily accessible, meaningful and engaging.

However, when this is not forthcoming, suicide has become rampant whereby 75% of those who have taken their lives were males. Suicide represents the largest cause of death for men under 50 and higher rates of suicide are also found in minority communities, including gay men, war veterans,  and those in poverty. Sam Ortyl is his book “problem shared is a problem halved” reiterates that the stereotyping of men is a barrier to the processing problems on their mental health.

“I think that it is harder for men to open up about mental health problems as it is associated with weakness,”  ORTYL, 2019. 

“When we grow up, we learn that we need to be tough, that men don’t cry and we just need to man up, suck it up and keep going. Because of that, we don’t talk about our problems, feelings, emotions, but instead, just hide behind the mask.

“Men build an ego to pretend that we are strong and everything is great. I do believe that a man should still strive to be strong but I also believe that part of that is allowing yourself to be vulnerable and reach for support if you need help. Accepting both sides of your personality is the key to building a strong mentality.

Even the men in the counselling profession can be counted. Most men prefer opening up to another man but chances are that they cannot access such services from a male service provider.

At the family level, a man finds it hard to share about his challenges with the fear that if he did he will lose his control as the point of authority in the family, or lose respect and his dignity as a man.

These misconceptions and expectations are leading men to opt for suicide when things get tough, or when they lose their position in society. We have witnessed a man killing his children and wife and later committing suicide where there are marital grievances or job loss or untreated mental disorders.

If I was a man it would be hard to open up in these judgmental times. There is a stigma against mental illness but it is even worse when a concerned person is a man. On gender-based violence m, shies away from sharing in cases where they are undergoing domestic abuse, in cases where there is separation even the judicial system separates the children from their father yet he is taxed to cater for their upkeep. Nobody cares to ask such a gentleman how he is coping and the society sees him as a failure and a disgrace to the family unit even when he is not at fault.

The theme was “Why it’s hard for men to open up about issues “and I would like to sum up with a question: What have you done to make it easy for the men in your life to share openly about the issues they are going through? As a father, mother, brother, sister, relative or friend. Even a colleague at work.

Stigma and misconceptions about the boy child make it difficult for them to share their feelings or thought. How often do you use these words?

·         Man up

·         Such it up

·         Be strong

·         You’re a man

·         Figure it out

To anyone going through a hard time, they can be very harsh words. Let us nurture boys who know that “It is ok not to be ok.” Let us learn to actively listen to the verbal and the non-verbal when our men are communicating. Let us be reliable support systems!
#Rayonthepen